deal breakers.

i have spent my day thinking about "deal breakers"... a thing about a person that is so irksome that one finds it utterly impossible to continue any journey toward a relationship with them...

when i was younger, deal breakers came in ultra-trivial shapes and sizes.

"he breathes too loudly."
"he asks too many questions."
"um... he wore an orange polo shirt and JEANS to my sister's wedding reception? REALLY???"

sadly, these are all examples of ACTUAL reasons for which i put the kibosh on potential relationships. i don't regret having done this, as i would not change the set of experiences that closing these doors has allowed me. still, sometimes a girl can't help but wonder what may have been...

now that i am a little wiser (i'd like to think anyway), my deal breakers have evolved to consist of conclusions drawn through ridiculously careful analysis of observed behaviors in my "suitors," for lack of a better word. not that i feel that i am a begger who shouldn't be a chooser - you may think that this would be the cause of my change in outlook. i suppose a different level of maturity and understanding is to blame. i don't really know exactly what they mean when they warn against throwing the baby out with the bathwater, but it feels like that is the cliche that fits what i am trying to express here. i think 'they' are telling me not to mistakenly throw out good things as i am sifting through and throwing out the bad. i know for a fact that i have thrown out my share of babies with all of the bathwater that has come knocking at my door. terrible analogy, but i'm just going to continue with it because i am getting too sleepy to care much.

i will also mention that i was recently thrown out with the bathwater and it isn't pleasant... (provided that i am actually a baby in this situation; i fear that i may have actually been bathwater in his eyes, but the jury is still out on that one)

i just keep wondering what the deal breaker was. wondering hurts.

the only thing he ever mentioned not liking about me was the hard and fast fact that i am over-analytical. this will not change; i wouldn't be myself if i didn't disect every text message or possibly meaningful comment in a conversation. i am who i am. i guess i may have been the deal breaker. he denied that a concrete reason actually existed, but i guess i can't believe that. or wont accept that as truth. i'll talk more about this later.

it sort of makes me laugh that virtually everyone who would possibly read this blog knows the exact situation to which i am referring, proving that i have had the previously mentioned word flu all over each one of you and i am glad you can love me despite this illness.

that is all i can say for now because as i said, i am tired and morning is approaching way more quickly than i would like... but i do have more to say. always.

till then....