good weekend!

all you can eat sushi with fun friends.
a creepy boy who coincidentally works for DC shoes (wtf?!) trying to force his cuddle love upon me till i was basically sitting on the armrest of the couch trying to escape (always makes for funny screaming when leaving the house of said creep's friend)
found a new house! - moving slowly but surely to the avenues and will be done by April 1st!
getting the baby ready for her jr. prom - she was drop dead STUNNING!
dinner at sonora grill followed by several episodes of House and some surprisingly delicious gluten free-sugar free peanut butter cookies; joni's best concoction yet...
family dinner followed by games and laughing till it hurt to much to keep laughing... ahhhhhh!

deal breakers.

i have spent my day thinking about "deal breakers"... a thing about a person that is so irksome that one finds it utterly impossible to continue any journey toward a relationship with them...

when i was younger, deal breakers came in ultra-trivial shapes and sizes.

"he breathes too loudly."
"he asks too many questions."
"um... he wore an orange polo shirt and JEANS to my sister's wedding reception? REALLY???"

sadly, these are all examples of ACTUAL reasons for which i put the kibosh on potential relationships. i don't regret having done this, as i would not change the set of experiences that closing these doors has allowed me. still, sometimes a girl can't help but wonder what may have been...

now that i am a little wiser (i'd like to think anyway), my deal breakers have evolved to consist of conclusions drawn through ridiculously careful analysis of observed behaviors in my "suitors," for lack of a better word. not that i feel that i am a begger who shouldn't be a chooser - you may think that this would be the cause of my change in outlook. i suppose a different level of maturity and understanding is to blame. i don't really know exactly what they mean when they warn against throwing the baby out with the bathwater, but it feels like that is the cliche that fits what i am trying to express here. i think 'they' are telling me not to mistakenly throw out good things as i am sifting through and throwing out the bad. i know for a fact that i have thrown out my share of babies with all of the bathwater that has come knocking at my door. terrible analogy, but i'm just going to continue with it because i am getting too sleepy to care much.

i will also mention that i was recently thrown out with the bathwater and it isn't pleasant... (provided that i am actually a baby in this situation; i fear that i may have actually been bathwater in his eyes, but the jury is still out on that one)

i just keep wondering what the deal breaker was. wondering hurts.

the only thing he ever mentioned not liking about me was the hard and fast fact that i am over-analytical. this will not change; i wouldn't be myself if i didn't disect every text message or possibly meaningful comment in a conversation. i am who i am. i guess i may have been the deal breaker. he denied that a concrete reason actually existed, but i guess i can't believe that. or wont accept that as truth. i'll talk more about this later.

it sort of makes me laugh that virtually everyone who would possibly read this blog knows the exact situation to which i am referring, proving that i have had the previously mentioned word flu all over each one of you and i am glad you can love me despite this illness.

that is all i can say for now because as i said, i am tired and morning is approaching way more quickly than i would like... but i do have more to say. always.

till then....

happy birthday to my best.

happy birthday to my forever friend manda! she has been there for me through the thickest and the thinnest of times, and a text or call from her immediately brightens even the worst of days. i love her very much; she is an amazing wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. i have been blessed to have her in my life for the better part of the past ten years and look forward to seeing what the next ten hold! have a wonderful 26th!

an open book....

i have always envied people who are able to keep their personal lives just that... personal. i have always struggled with that. the lady at seven eleven (where i stop for diet coke on the daily) asks me why i look as though i've been crying or how my weekend was - and she gets the full monty. we are, consequently, text friends - even christmas-gift exchanging friends. i have a pen pal that i have been blessed to meet (virtually) through work who offers up dating advice and knows the goings on in my life. i have concluded that i take the question "how are you?" a tad too literally. i tell myself "just say fine and move on, camille!" regardless of my efforts, word vomit happens. often.

the point of this random post on a blog neglected is that i am going to attempt to at least direct the vomit at a somewhat inanimate object (my monitor) in hopes that it will spare the people in my path who probably have another customer to ring up behind me.... spare myself the twinge of hurt that comes with noticing that my coworker's eyes have glazed over while i sit trying to work through my feelings verbally to someone who i assume holds my happiness at some level of importance. this is a silly assumption, i know, but one i often make. and to any who choose to read my musings, at least i know you are choosing it!

a few thoughts just for the sake of posting SOMETHING...

1. I miss my brother terribly. I know, I am dramatic, but every song makes me miss him... I can't walk into his room without my bottom lip starting to quiver madly... when we got our first letter yesterday I sat at my desk in tears hoping noone noticed... I hope he is happy!

2. I finally got a nice promotion with a big raise. WOOOOO....HOO!

3. Grand Torino was the saddest, best movie I have ever seen.

4. Lykke Li, CoCoRosie and Kate Nash are the current soundtrack to my every day. I listen to them CONSTANTLY.

5. I am now hoplessly devoted to this, this, and this.

6. I love my roommates.

7. Last night I thought my furnace was broken and was thrown into 20 minutes of panic... piling extra blankets onto my bed, turning on my heating pad, putting on several hoodies.... then I figured out the problem and was able to get heat. I can't believe what a spoiled life I lead. I was so frantic - and it was still 52 degrees in my home. I am so lucky. There are so many who would kill to have slept in my 50 degree house.

8. I really don't like going a day without talking to my mom. She is so funny.

9. I fell into a short lived love with a man on the train last week. He looked like Patrick Dempsey minus the stupid hair--- no ring, reading a book called "How Societies Remember," (yes, I am a creep, I realize this...) and we made eye contact at least 5 times. I thought it was love. And meeting on a train? What a romantic beginning to our story!

Then he stood up.

Call me shallow.

He was, at BEST, 5'4".

He must've had a long torso. I had no idea it would end this way. I just wish I would have known this major detail before I got so emotionally invested... I was naming our children up until this point.


That's all for now. I just felt like posting some of my goings on and thoughts for your consideration. I'm off to meet my cute friend Shelyse for some soup. Love.

Auld Lang Syne

I don't know how I have gone my entire life and not known what these words mean, but I looked the phrase up the other day and found that in Scotland it means "times gone by." I don't know quite how I feel about that. I never spend New Years looking back on the past year; rather, I've been accustomed to looking forward and thinking about my goals and hopes for the coming year. This past year has been a weird one for me. I am not really in a place that I expected myself to be in at the beginning of 2008... I love the place that I am in, but I definitely would not have seen it coming. A year ago I was still spending oodles of my time with my sweet residents at Stoneybrooke. I would have never dreamed I would be in the position that I am now in a completely different field. I have developed some of the most amazing relationships during this year... some that already existed in previous years, but have grown by leaps and bounds since last year. I have learned more about actively loving and serving those closest to me. I have grown as an individual and made discoveries about my personal beliefs. I have learned the true comfort that comes with sincere prayer. I feel that in realizing the things that have come to pass in these "times gone by," I am much more hopeful and optimistic about the growth and opportunities that I will happen upon in 09. I have much to work on and do this coming year.... a few resolutions are definitely in order.

1. Learn to sew.
2. Gym 5 days a week. I know this seems a bit much but I feel sooo much better when I make it all 5 weekdays.
3. Do not speak ill of other people. This is a hard one for me sometimes.
4. Clear the wake.
5. Learn to say NO.
6. Be more kind.
7. Wear sunscreen every day.
8. Read every book on Kelly's list. (Kells, I need that list.)
9. Be more open to possible relationships.
10. Don't fence sit.
11. Take more pictures!

I know, some of these are quite lofty goals... but I am just bound and determined to reach them!!

A tribute to my Lacey Friend.

This is my friend LACEY.

She is nearly 6 feet tall and I have never seen legs so long and thin.
Lately finals have sucked up all of her time
and work has sucked up all of mine.
I have not seen her in weeks.

I miss. We always have some hidden agenda lurking behind the photos that we take.

FYI.

Congrats on finishing school, polar opposite!

I love this friend with whom I have next to nothing in common;

somehow we completely relate to one another.

Dressed to the 9's...

The work party turned out to be quite nice. So what if I did spend entirely too much money on a dress that I knew I would have no need for in the future... we had a grand time fake gambling, listening to loooong speaches by every VP in my company, and eating fancy food. We went to great measures to collect as many raffle tickets as possible in hopes of winning that generic brand mp3 player, (which none of our fearsome foursome did,) and I learned to play craps. Tess's dress was exquisite. All around, the party was quite the affair.

puppy love.

I know this picture is fuzzy - this is one of my favorite friends and favorite dogs having a sweet little moment, looking deep into one another's eyes. I had to make them hold it when I walked in so I could take a picture on my phone... it was just too presh to pass up.

I WANT.

If I had $228 bucks lying around I would sooooo get these. I look at them every single day. We would be so cute together.

I am going to have to say something about the bubble paper. I am ready to throw my laptop at the previously mentioned coworkers head.

I don't care if you judge me.

I have been waiting ever so impatiently for this.

It is all that I hoped it would be and MORE!!
You will always HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME, BRIT!!!

I have to admit...

I loved this.

Sure, there were some things that were very wrong...

1- That was sooooo not the right Alice. I imagine her with a cute pixie cut and really tiny.

2 - Victoria should have been played by the fierce ginger from Quantum of Solace.
and Rosalie Hale should have been played by Olivia Wilde, I think. She was really good at being a bizzle on the OC and I think she is SO PRETTY. Totally vamp worthy.
3 - I imagined Bella's house all brown and old fashioned looking like the house I lived in when I was a nanny. With old wood floors and such... and the Cullen's home should have been white stucco.

And while Edward's hair may have been hilariously poofy and hairsprayed in some scenes, I still found myself pretty smitten with him. He was not the Eward in my mind... (I always imagine HIM) and this is Bella, in my mind's eye...
I have really specific images in my head and some of them were not brought to life in the movie, it was a little low budget and cheesy but the FEELING it gave me was right. I felt pretty swept away by the whole show; I love movies or books that do that to me.

So with that said, I give it at least one strong thumbs up. :)

Most of the time

I love being single. Exception: office parties. I swear I was the only person at the summer party without a date. And now the Christmas party. I have serious anxiety about showing up to this formal event alone. I have, for the moment, talked Chad into coming with me... but he doesn't seem sold on the idea and I don't want to invite any other dude because I feel like if I'm not dating them seriously then it's kinda making a 'statement' that I don't want to make. What to do? I guess bringing the roommate is the answer. I just hope he will come. Or maybe I could man up and not care about going there alone - I will go to a movie alone, to lunch by myself... why not a silly dinner party with my coworkers and their significant others?

I bought a print of this painting last week. I like it mostly cause I love the color of the birds... I am pretty obsessed with mustard yellow EVERYTHING lately. I'm going to hang it up in my room. I found it here.

Confusion.

Ugh. Please help me understand, because I don't.

Boy and girl dated. They dated for 3 or 4 months. Boy never kissed girl. This is not a situation that this particular girl often (if ever) found herself in, but boy brought her to numerous family functions, held her hand in public, contacted her daily, etc... Girl believed she was in some sort of a relationship, however not serious it may have been.

Girl moved away, she now lived 30 minutes from boy.

Boy dropped her like its hot.

Girl was fine. She still enjoyed his company when she saw him through mutual friends and such, but they did not maintain contact or have much to do with one another.

Ok, so clearly I am "girl" in this story. I am sick of telling the story that way, I am just going to tell it like it is. So I see this boy and a group of his friends at a group function a while back and took a liking to one of his friends. This friend is cute and fun and funny and I would be interested in spending more time with him. We began speaking on FB when we were both online. He asked for my number and suggested that we hang out. All was well, I thought. Then.... NOTHING. No call, no text, no talking to me when we are both on facebook. I was left scratching my head, wondering to what I owed this sudden loss of interest. Also wondering if I had imagined the interest to begin with, but I am not really that kind of girl, I am sure that I didn't.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine became interested in BOY from before. They met at this same group function. I told her she should date him; he is a great guy and clearly things didn't catch fire with him and I, so why not?

She talked to a few of his friends and arranged a get together for a weekend night. The cute fun friend of boy's that I had thought I may want to date was present and very inattentive and uninterested. Oh well, I thought.

As the night progressed, I began to pick up on a random display of affection from BOY. He went as far as to hold my hand, play with my hair and tickle my arm while we all sat chatting. I didn't know quite what to do, as my friend had put this whole gathering together to try and catch his eye... but I just went with it.

I am thinking that BOY must be a bit territorial and must have put the kibosh on the flirtings between his friend and I. I cannot for the life of me figure why. The chances of us dating again are very slim. It never got off the ground in the first place. Why, then, does he feel the need to keep me from cute fun friend and him from me????!

I am exhausted of men. I am content to chill with my fellow Venus dwellers and forget the whole thing, now that I have released my frustrations to the world wide web.

MY CHRISTMAS WISH LIST:

Please wrap him and place him ever so gently under my tree. Even if I happen to peek before Christmas Day and see him in the box, I promise I will still act surprised when I unwrap him. And I will never get sick of him or trade him in for a newer cooler toy, even though he is clearly well used already.

Just a little thought goes a long way.

There is nothing like those friends that can sense when things are becoming a bit too much and know just how to brighten your day with the tiniest of gestures.

My company has been making some changes, many of which are causing me a lot of stress and making my job a little bit difficult and complicated. I was in the middle of trying to figure out how I am going to go about doing my job despite these changes; my head was starting to hurt and my neck was getting hot, which is what happens when I am under stress.

As I stared at my monitor my dear friend Sue popped around the corner holding the new Free People underwear and winter Anthropology catalogs that she had saved just for me. This woman has plenty of her own stress and troubles (not to mention daughters near my age that would probably have liked these little treats,) but she is always there to lend a listening ear, to tell me I'm completely right and justified in my complaints (of course!), and give me a piece of advice that makes things suddenly seem much more simple.

I doubt that she ever has the luxury of time to follow blogs but she is just one of MANY friends of this nature that I have been blessed with.

I am very grateful for them all!

Ms. McCarley

I have been anticipating the release of Erin McCarley's album since I saw her months ago with Joshua Radin. We still have to wait till January but I think it will be well worth the wait. She gave such a heartfelt performance and actually shed a few tears during one of her songs. I was lucky enough to have the chance to talk to her after her show and she was so down to earth and sweet. This is my favorite of her songs that I have been able to find online.

HCT...

My sister and me.

My sis and almost sis...

Lind, Arrienne, Mand, Me

Manda and I trying way hard to seem young. Love my BF.

This is video from youtube... this is from a different show than we saw but all is the same; just different outfits on the girls and shot from the other side of the stage.

Thanks girls for a fun night out!