good weekend!

all you can eat sushi with fun friends.
a creepy boy who coincidentally works for DC shoes (wtf?!) trying to force his cuddle love upon me till i was basically sitting on the armrest of the couch trying to escape (always makes for funny screaming when leaving the house of said creep's friend)
found a new house! - moving slowly but surely to the avenues and will be done by April 1st!
getting the baby ready for her jr. prom - she was drop dead STUNNING!
dinner at sonora grill followed by several episodes of House and some surprisingly delicious gluten free-sugar free peanut butter cookies; joni's best concoction yet...
family dinner followed by games and laughing till it hurt to much to keep laughing... ahhhhhh!

deal breakers.

i have spent my day thinking about "deal breakers"... a thing about a person that is so irksome that one finds it utterly impossible to continue any journey toward a relationship with them...

when i was younger, deal breakers came in ultra-trivial shapes and sizes.

"he breathes too loudly."
"he asks too many questions."
"um... he wore an orange polo shirt and JEANS to my sister's wedding reception? REALLY???"

sadly, these are all examples of ACTUAL reasons for which i put the kibosh on potential relationships. i don't regret having done this, as i would not change the set of experiences that closing these doors has allowed me. still, sometimes a girl can't help but wonder what may have been...

now that i am a little wiser (i'd like to think anyway), my deal breakers have evolved to consist of conclusions drawn through ridiculously careful analysis of observed behaviors in my "suitors," for lack of a better word. not that i feel that i am a begger who shouldn't be a chooser - you may think that this would be the cause of my change in outlook. i suppose a different level of maturity and understanding is to blame. i don't really know exactly what they mean when they warn against throwing the baby out with the bathwater, but it feels like that is the cliche that fits what i am trying to express here. i think 'they' are telling me not to mistakenly throw out good things as i am sifting through and throwing out the bad. i know for a fact that i have thrown out my share of babies with all of the bathwater that has come knocking at my door. terrible analogy, but i'm just going to continue with it because i am getting too sleepy to care much.

i will also mention that i was recently thrown out with the bathwater and it isn't pleasant... (provided that i am actually a baby in this situation; i fear that i may have actually been bathwater in his eyes, but the jury is still out on that one)

i just keep wondering what the deal breaker was. wondering hurts.

the only thing he ever mentioned not liking about me was the hard and fast fact that i am over-analytical. this will not change; i wouldn't be myself if i didn't disect every text message or possibly meaningful comment in a conversation. i am who i am. i guess i may have been the deal breaker. he denied that a concrete reason actually existed, but i guess i can't believe that. or wont accept that as truth. i'll talk more about this later.

it sort of makes me laugh that virtually everyone who would possibly read this blog knows the exact situation to which i am referring, proving that i have had the previously mentioned word flu all over each one of you and i am glad you can love me despite this illness.

that is all i can say for now because as i said, i am tired and morning is approaching way more quickly than i would like... but i do have more to say. always.

till then....

happy birthday to my best.

happy birthday to my forever friend manda! she has been there for me through the thickest and the thinnest of times, and a text or call from her immediately brightens even the worst of days. i love her very much; she is an amazing wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. i have been blessed to have her in my life for the better part of the past ten years and look forward to seeing what the next ten hold! have a wonderful 26th!

an open book....

i have always envied people who are able to keep their personal lives just that... personal. i have always struggled with that. the lady at seven eleven (where i stop for diet coke on the daily) asks me why i look as though i've been crying or how my weekend was - and she gets the full monty. we are, consequently, text friends - even christmas-gift exchanging friends. i have a pen pal that i have been blessed to meet (virtually) through work who offers up dating advice and knows the goings on in my life. i have concluded that i take the question "how are you?" a tad too literally. i tell myself "just say fine and move on, camille!" regardless of my efforts, word vomit happens. often.

the point of this random post on a blog neglected is that i am going to attempt to at least direct the vomit at a somewhat inanimate object (my monitor) in hopes that it will spare the people in my path who probably have another customer to ring up behind me.... spare myself the twinge of hurt that comes with noticing that my coworker's eyes have glazed over while i sit trying to work through my feelings verbally to someone who i assume holds my happiness at some level of importance. this is a silly assumption, i know, but one i often make. and to any who choose to read my musings, at least i know you are choosing it!

a few thoughts just for the sake of posting SOMETHING...

1. I miss my brother terribly. I know, I am dramatic, but every song makes me miss him... I can't walk into his room without my bottom lip starting to quiver madly... when we got our first letter yesterday I sat at my desk in tears hoping noone noticed... I hope he is happy!

2. I finally got a nice promotion with a big raise. WOOOOO....HOO!

3. Grand Torino was the saddest, best movie I have ever seen.

4. Lykke Li, CoCoRosie and Kate Nash are the current soundtrack to my every day. I listen to them CONSTANTLY.

5. I am now hoplessly devoted to this, this, and this.

6. I love my roommates.

7. Last night I thought my furnace was broken and was thrown into 20 minutes of panic... piling extra blankets onto my bed, turning on my heating pad, putting on several hoodies.... then I figured out the problem and was able to get heat. I can't believe what a spoiled life I lead. I was so frantic - and it was still 52 degrees in my home. I am so lucky. There are so many who would kill to have slept in my 50 degree house.

8. I really don't like going a day without talking to my mom. She is so funny.

9. I fell into a short lived love with a man on the train last week. He looked like Patrick Dempsey minus the stupid hair--- no ring, reading a book called "How Societies Remember," (yes, I am a creep, I realize this...) and we made eye contact at least 5 times. I thought it was love. And meeting on a train? What a romantic beginning to our story!

Then he stood up.

Call me shallow.

He was, at BEST, 5'4".

He must've had a long torso. I had no idea it would end this way. I just wish I would have known this major detail before I got so emotionally invested... I was naming our children up until this point.


That's all for now. I just felt like posting some of my goings on and thoughts for your consideration. I'm off to meet my cute friend Shelyse for some soup. Love.

Auld Lang Syne

I don't know how I have gone my entire life and not known what these words mean, but I looked the phrase up the other day and found that in Scotland it means "times gone by." I don't know quite how I feel about that. I never spend New Years looking back on the past year; rather, I've been accustomed to looking forward and thinking about my goals and hopes for the coming year. This past year has been a weird one for me. I am not really in a place that I expected myself to be in at the beginning of 2008... I love the place that I am in, but I definitely would not have seen it coming. A year ago I was still spending oodles of my time with my sweet residents at Stoneybrooke. I would have never dreamed I would be in the position that I am now in a completely different field. I have developed some of the most amazing relationships during this year... some that already existed in previous years, but have grown by leaps and bounds since last year. I have learned more about actively loving and serving those closest to me. I have grown as an individual and made discoveries about my personal beliefs. I have learned the true comfort that comes with sincere prayer. I feel that in realizing the things that have come to pass in these "times gone by," I am much more hopeful and optimistic about the growth and opportunities that I will happen upon in 09. I have much to work on and do this coming year.... a few resolutions are definitely in order.

1. Learn to sew.
2. Gym 5 days a week. I know this seems a bit much but I feel sooo much better when I make it all 5 weekdays.
3. Do not speak ill of other people. This is a hard one for me sometimes.
4. Clear the wake.
5. Learn to say NO.
6. Be more kind.
7. Wear sunscreen every day.
8. Read every book on Kelly's list. (Kells, I need that list.)
9. Be more open to possible relationships.
10. Don't fence sit.
11. Take more pictures!

I know, some of these are quite lofty goals... but I am just bound and determined to reach them!!

A tribute to my Lacey Friend.

This is my friend LACEY.

She is nearly 6 feet tall and I have never seen legs so long and thin.
Lately finals have sucked up all of her time
and work has sucked up all of mine.
I have not seen her in weeks.

I miss. We always have some hidden agenda lurking behind the photos that we take.

FYI.

Congrats on finishing school, polar opposite!

I love this friend with whom I have next to nothing in common;

somehow we completely relate to one another.